


Therefore I Am

by I_am_some1



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Blaine and Sam are roommates, Fashion Designer Kurt Hummel, Klaine, M/M, Minor Character Death, ghost - Freeform, they live right above Kurt's appartement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:42:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29754927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_some1/pseuds/I_am_some1
Summary: When tragedy strikes Blaine decides to take back over his life. He realises how much he's missed out on and how if he died this minute he would regret so many things. Life's too short to spend it trying to please everyone, especially people who don't appreciate his true value. And what better way to start over than to move across the country to the city of his dreams? And if this crazy idea could bring love back into his life why would he want to stop that from happening?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson & Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Sam Evans & Kurt Hummel
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! So I wrote this a while back and it's been waiting in my notes for so long, but I was really happy with it and I really wanted to share it with y'all ;)  
> Do not hesitate to comment and help me get better, cause I'm French and all that...  
> Okay,  
> Just had to add that I don't own Glee, and that I'm just using the characters for this story :)  
> Anyways, hope you'll enjoy!  
> xx

"Stop following me!"

_"I’m not"_

"Yes you are, you’ve been following me since we got out of church"

_"Is that true?"_

"Is this a real question?"

_"You brought me here. I’m not real, remember?"_

Blaine sighed harshly before unlocking his door and stepping into his tiny appartement in West Hollywood. It had been a bad day. If not the worst. He had been burying his brother into the ground only minutes ago, and he hadn’t felt this horrible in a long time.

Cooper was a hot-head, especially when it came to the highway, and that’s how he left his little brother one night.

"I have to stop this shit going on in my head before it drives me crazy", whispered Blaine to himself as if he couldn't let anyone hear him.

His voice resonated in his empty appartement and he felt even lonelier. His limbs were numb and he didn’t feel like moving anymore, he just wanted to wrap his body up into a huge blanket and lay in bed for eternity. Unfortunately he couldn’t do that, he was in the middle of moving out and he had to finish packing.

"Life is so fucking cruel right now..."

_"No shit"_

"Stop appearing like that! You scared the crap out of me!"

_"Sorry little bro, you’ll just have to deal with me I guess..."_

Blaine couldn’t really explain why he kept seeing Cooper everywhere since this morning. He knew it wasn’t rational, that this was just his mind playing games or helping him cope or whatever but he had to admit that it was kind of comforting to see him in some sick twisted way. Of course he wasn’t real, but Blaine felt lighter knowing that his memories could build his brother’s spectrum for a while. Just so that he could spend more time with him, have someone, or something, to look after him in a way...

Blaine only had one more huge box of books to pack and his clothes and then he would be on his way to his new home.

The funeral kind of interrupted his process, and it kind of made it even more stressful than it already was.

Blaine would always come back to Cooper whenever he had problems or doubts. He followed him to California after college and even if his big brother was the type to brag about their beautiful and successful life without even listening to what people were telling them, Blaine knew that he was always here for him. But not anymore.

Blaine had friends, of course, but no friend would ever compare to his big brother. It just wasn't the same.

He dropped his heavy box and his suitcase into the trunk of his car and dropped his keys on the landlord’s desk chatting for a few minutes and thanking him before leaving for good.

At the funereal, this morning, Blaine was completely devastated. He hadn’t slept at all the night before, too many thoughts filling and running through his mind and he kept thinking about a whole bunch of things and memories. When he saw his brother being buried into the ground everything overflowed in him. He couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

Cooper hated it when people cried around him, he always thought it was annoying and loud. He used to say that there were other ways to express sadness anger or even joy rather than crying. So Blaine would never cry in front of him, and his brother would tell him how strong and responsible he was. However, when Cooper would be out of sight Blaine would cry himself to sleep thinking that he was nothing like his brother’s description. He would feel guilty about crying through the years and so at one point he just stopped. At one point he stopped crying completely like he was unable to and plastered a permanent smile on his face.

So when the tears started flowing down his cheeks looking at the huge varnished wood box being put into the ground Blaine wasn’t surprised to feel his brother’s piercing gaze from wherever he was drawing holes into his soul. When he looked up and saw Cooper looking at him with a disappointed look he instinctively wiped his tears and he was so happy and surprised to see him blurred into the crowd that he didn’t tear his gaze from him until his dad came up to his side and asked him to stop staring at the crowd.

"Cooper, as you all know him, hated funerals. He wouldn’t want anybody to cry, ever, not even at his own. I’m pretty sure if he was able to, he would come out of his grave and say something stupid to all of us just to make us smile.

"This is the power that my brother had over his surroundings. Always here to make you smile, laugh and think about how much life was good and people should enjoy it instead of wasting time being sad about ephemeral stuff. That’s how I will always remember him anyways..."

Blaine knew it was going to be a long drive from LA to New York, but he needed change, now more than ever. Life had been cruel to him and had forced him to move on with his life. It has forced him to move out of his brother’s shadow in the most horrible way.

Blaine worked in a bank. He wasn’t even a banker, he just got out of business school and his dad’s friend offered him a job. Blaine felt lucky to have these kind of opportunities and he took it not wanting to sound ungrateful, but he must admit, it was to most boring job ever. He thought he would work there for a year or so, make enough money to settle down in a small quiet place and then he would figure something out.

At the end of the first year, Blaine got promoted. And now he had been working there for three entire years. He must admit that the fact that his dad was finally proud of him was the only pro about this job. So he decided to move away.

Cooper had been telling him to do something more interesting with his life, to 'live a little' as he might say. But Blaine was too afraid to fail or disappoint people in the process, so he stayed.

But when one night he got woken up by a call telling him that his brother was no more.

Something shifted in him and it’s like he lost a piece of himself. He kept thinking about what his brother would tell him about life, and his brother’s life too all night that day.And thinking about all of this made him realize that despite de fact that it was short, Cooper’s life had been lived fully. He had enjoyed it and he didn’t think his brother had any regrets.

So he started panicking in his room, thinking about his own life and how boring it was. How if he died tomorrow he would have so many regrets. And he woke up the next day in the middle of the night on his bedroom floor all sweaty and cold.

That’s when he made the decision to move out, his deed was ending at the end of the week anyways so he didn’t think about it twice.

He impulsively quit his job the next day, and started looking for an appartement in New York meticulously ignoring his dad’s calls.

And now here he was driving and carrying his entire life in his trunk to a new city and the beginning of his new life.


	2. Chapter 2

When he finally arrived to the appartement building, he hadn’t seen Cooper at all and so he figured he was just extremely tired the other day and that everything was actually fine with him. But then, realizing that his brother was actually gone for good, he started to get nervous.

_Maybe this wasn’t a good idea? Maybe this is not actually what I needed? Maybe staying in California was a better option?_

He sat in his car for a long time trying to figure out what he was going to do.

_"I mean, you’re here now... I guess there is no going back from here is there Squirt?"_

"Geez Coop’ I thought you were gone! You have to warn me before you speak if you don’t want me to join you up there! ‘almost had a heart attack!"

_"Stop being such a drama queen and get out of the car, your stuff has probably already arrived and your roommate must be wondering who they belong to..."_

"I-I’m not sure about this Coop’ maybe that was not the right way to handle things... I mean maybe I should just go back-"

_"Blaine Devon Anderson you are getting out of this car and you are going to introduce yourself to your roommate. Don’t let your anxiety get the best of you!"_

Blaine rolled his eyes and dropped his forehead on his steering wheel. He let out a heavy sigh and got out of his car. Cooper was right, he shouldn’t question his decisions, he is going to be more confident. This is going to be the new him.

He grabbed his suitcase and went up the few stares that separated the sidewalk from the building’s lobby.

Blaine had indeed chosen to share an appartement with someone, not for the sake of making friends but more because he wasn’t exactly rolling on gold these days and moving across the country wasn’t exactly free. He had found a really nice guy who was looking for a roommate, since the last one moved in with his girlfriend, to share his appartement with. He lived in Bushwick, on a weird side of Brooklyn but the appartement seemed lovely and honestly Blaine couldn’t really afford any other place in a safer neighbourhood, so he was grateful.

The cool thing about this appartement was that the elevator landed almost directly in it, because every floor was it’s own appartement so not so many people lived there. Blaine got out of the elevator and walked down a really short corridor, he knocked on the huge sliding wood door after looking for an inexistent doorbell, and waited nervously trying to even out his breathing.

The door slid open and a really tall and muscular blond man appeared in the entrance. He smiled widely and immediately took Blaine in his arms as if he was a long lost friend that he hasn’t seen in years. Blaine was slightly shorter and he felt kind of awkward standing there not really knowing if he should hug him back or not move at all.

"You must be my new roommate! So glad to finally meet you man, I’m Sam by the way. A bunch of your things have already arrived I stored them in your room, but I guess that’s not all? Is it?"

"Hi, I’m Blaine. Uhm yeah there is one more box in my car..."

"I’ll go get it, no worries. You must be tired, so sit down, relax and make yourself at home dude"

Sam took Blaine’s car keys before he could say anything and disappeared into the elevator. Blaine would have panicked if that kind of thing happened to him back in California, but he reasoned that he should trust this guy if they were going to live together, so he got into the appartement dragging his suitcase behind him. The flat was actually huge and the decoration was very manly. A flatscreen TV was placed on a coffee table surrounded by a PS4 and some video games scattered everywhere else on the floor. The huge red couch was facing the TV and looked very comfy but some weird stains caught Blaine’s eye, so he turned his gaze to the kitchen. It was open on the living area and an empty pizza box was open on the kitchen counter with two beers.

Blaine continued his exploration of the place and stepped into what he assumed was his room. His huge king sized bed was lying there waiting for him and a few boxes were piled up in a corner next to a tall lamp. The curtains were white and light, and filtered the sunlight through his room. Blaine dropped his suitcase and sat on his bed, bouncing on it a little bit, evaluating if he should sleep now or wait for Sam to come back and sleep later.

He didn’t have to make that decision because Sam was back and dropped the box heavily on his bed next to him, panting like he had just run a mile.

"Dude, what did you freaking put in that box? Rocks or something? ‘Cause that shit’s heavy man!"

Blaine opened the box and Sam peaked his head curiously to see what made him do his daily workout in five minutes.

"Books! Oh my God, I should really get back to the gym, books shouldn’t be that heavy"

"Yeah, I just have a lot of them I guess..." laughed Blaine awkwardly, taking them out of the box one by one.

"You want to unpack now? I mean I was thinking about showing you around for a bit, but if you wanna unpack... your call""

Oh! Uhm, yeah sure! I’d love that actually"

"So you said you’re from California? Why did you decide to come to the Big Apple of all places?" asked Sam between two huge bites of a pizza slice they were eating while walking around in Central Park.

Blaine laughed shyly and stared at his pizza slice with a little smile.

"It’s kinda silly... I used to dream about living here back in high school... I don’t really know what’s about it, I just felt like I could be whatever I wanted in here I guess..."

"No it’s not dude! I feel the same way! When I got out of high school I followed all my friends here, ‘cause honestly I didn’t wanna stay alone in Lima. I kinda hung around not doing anything out here, so I went back to my home town for a bit. And one day, when I got a job opportunity here I didn’t hesitate once. It’s like when you know what you want, this city kinda gives it to you, ya know?"

Sam was a model for really famous brands but mostly worked with a friend, for his new clothing line lately, who happened to live in the same building as them, 'I’ll introduce you some day. He’s really busy, I don’t even see him that often but he is the best!' he told Blaine moving his hands like an excited child.

Blaine wasn’t surprised, Sam was indeed very attractive and had the type of body that looked like a Greek sculpture. He had bleached blond hair but Blaine knew that he would look as good in his natural hair color. He had dreamy blue and very expressive eyes, and really plump and perfectly pink lips.

"So what are your plans?"

Blaine was caught off guard. He took this decision so impulsively that he hadn’t even thought of what he was going to do when he actually would be there. He came to New York because he felt it in his gut, he was meant to be here, but to do what? Why was this the place for him? What would he bring to the city? And what would this city bring to him?

"I honestly have no clue for the moment... I’ll probably get a job and I’ll figure it out later..."

Blaine and Sam came back to the appartement later that evening after having a drink at one of Sam’s friend’s bar, Puck, “Puck is one of my high school friends, he tried out for the Marine but that didn't work out. It wasn't for him. So he and my old roommate, Finn, decided to open a piano bar together”.

"We should get going ‘cause I have an early job in the morning” he reasoned when Puck tried to push him back down on his stool.

Sam went to bed super early for his job the next morning but Blaine didn’t feel like sleeping, he opened the curtains of his room and admired the landscape that layed before his eyes.

The city was lit up like a candle in the darkness and it seemed like everybody was out now that the sun was finally down.

Blaine couldn’t sleep. He was exhausted don’t get him wrong, but each time he would close his eyes he would remember that Cooper wasn’t there anymore and that he was all alone in New York sleeping in some stranger’s appartement and that he had no plan whatsoever. He had been unpacking as quietly as he could but he was still scared to wake Sam up so after reorganizing his closet three times and putting all of his books on his shelf he opened his computer and started looking for a job.

Since the one and only job that he ever had was literally handed to him on a silver platter he didn’t quite know how to handle this situation. He closed his computer after a while not finding anything and got out on the fire escape that was right by his window. New York was cold, especially at 2 a.m. but it was nice and the view kind of compensated. Blaine had a clear view on his creepy neighborhood but if he focused on the distance far into the horizon he could see the lights of the city and even a hint of the Brooklyn bridge. He felt kind of dumb when he realized that he had forgotten to take a sweater with him and he was going to step back inside when something caught his eye.

A teeny tiny red light caught his attention on the staircase right under him. Someone was smoking and even though it was the most natural thing ever, Blaine couldn’t tear his gaze from that little light.

Blaine suddenly felt Cooper lean over the stair railing and follow the direction of Blaine’s gaze with his eyes.

_"What are we lookin’ at B?"_

"Nothing, just getting fresh air before going back to sleep"

Blaine then stepped into the appartement and closed the window, rubbing his arms with his hands to warm them up.

_"What are you doing up this late anyways man? Shouldn’t you be asleep and ready for tomorrow’s adventures?"_

"What are you talking about? I don’t know what I’m doing, and if I don’t figure it out soon I’m not going to go on any adventures to go on Coop’."

_"Life can’t be planned. You can’t just always know what to do at any given time Blaine. You’ll figure it out I’m sure of it..."_

Blaine felt tired suddenly, and his eyelids felt too heavy. He was exhausted really, and it only took him two steps and falling face down on his bed to fall asleep.

Blaine woke up the next morning because someone was banging really hard on his window and he thought for a second that Cooper had become human and was trying to give him another life lesson, but when he turned an angry and confused face to the window, Sam was standing there waving at him and asking him to open up for him.

"Wha- Sam?"

"Sorry dude, it’s just that it’s super fun to do that, you’re so lucky to have the staircase by your window!" he smiled getting inside, "And also I forgot my keys..."

Blaine stared down at the staircase and noticed that it didn’t go all the way down to the ground, so how did Sam climb them if he was out?

"How did you even get there? Wouldn’t it have been easier to just use the door?"

"Oh! I figured you were still asleep and you wouldn’t hear me banging at the door, which you didn’t by the way, not even when I was right next to you. Plus I was just on the floor below us"

Blaine shot him a tired look and fell back on his bed face first.

"So what’s the plan today man? "

"Uhm... I was looking for a job yesterday when you went to sleep but I’m having trouble on the searching part so not much really..."

"I can help you with that if you want. What kind of job are you looking for?"

"Well knowing that I’m in desperate need for money right this second, I’d say any kind of job would be a great option for me"

"I can ask Puck if he needs a waiter at the bar?"

"You would do that for me? You really don’t have to... I mean you already took me as your roommate which is already too much I don’t want to impose or anything..."

"None of that, I’m really glad to help, man. That’s what friends do right?"

Blaine was surprised, Sam just called him a friend even though they only knew each other for not even a whole day. He smiled shyly and nodded mouthing a small “ok thank you” when Sam was making the call to ask his friend.

Blaine got dressed and he and Sam went to Puck’s bar.

"So I figure you had a goodnight sleep?"

"Yeah, to be honest it took me a while to fall asleep but I did"

"'First night's always hard man, but don’t worry you’ll get used to it"

After a short silence, Blaine couldn’t stop himself and asked out of pure curiosity, “Didn’t you say you had to work early today? What were you doing downstairs?”

"Oh! Uhm you remember that designer friend I told you about? Well we had some fittings to do for his show, and this morning was his only time off, so yeah. Sorry for waking you up like that, Finn used to leave the window open so I didn’t have to wake him up"

Blaine laughed. Sam was a child in a beautiful man’s body, it was insane how he reminded him of his friends back in California. He hadn’t thought of them in a long time, and it kind of struck him in the moment. He realized he hadn’t talked to them in weeks, since Cooper’s death actually, and he felt guilty suddenly.

"We’re here man. Do your best, even though Puck’s not hard, he told me he’ll take anyone so don’t be nervous"

Puck had told Sam that he would take Blaine as a waiter but he had some things to ask him first, "Not like a job interview" he said “But more like a 'get-to-know-me-friendly-questionnaire', just to know who I’m working with”.

So here he was, wearing his most sophisticated white dress-shirt, his little red and blue bowtie and his dark curly hair was gelled back into submission. That’s how he usually used to get ready for work so he figured it would only make a good impression as a potential waiter.

"Wow man, I like the new style", exclaimed Puck when he saw them, "What are you going for, grandpa/toddler look?"

Sam shoved him on the shoulder and shot him a look that said 'dude not nice'.

"Sorry Blaine, it’s just that you don’t have to be so uptight, it’s a bar we’re talking about here, not an office. We’re here to have fun, so next time you come, you know, feel free to wear something more... relaxed."

Puck then turned his back to them and made a small movement with his head for them to follow him, and started walking towards a small room with a desk and a chair on each side of it.

Sam told Blaine to not take what Puck said to him personally and that he would wait for him at the bar.

"So, Blaine, _Blaineyblaine_. Tell me about yourself"

"Well, I’m Blaine, I'm 26. I graduated from business school three years ago, I used to work in a bank where I handled-"

"I meant" stopped him Puck, "tell me about yourself. Like do you have any hobbies? What do you do in your free time? How do you have fun?"

"Oh! Uhm I... I don’t really know. I... like to read?"

It sounded more like a question rather than a statement, and it made Puck laugh.

"Alright it kind of makes sense actually. When you start on Monday I’ll teach you how to have a good time man. Here we’re all about having fun, enjoying the moment, and making friends"

"Thank you so much, I won’t disappoint you"

"Yeah well you better not or you’ll get fired..." Puck said bluntly clapping his hands together and getting up from his chair, "Just one last question before you go... You know that this is a piano bar right? That means people sing here and all. I was wondering if you did?"

"Did what?"

"Sing"

"Oh!"

Blaine stayed silent for a few seconds not knowing what to answer. Would Puck take away the offer if he said no?

"Y-yeah I used to, but it was a long time ago..."

Technically it wasn’t a lie. He was in his high school's glee club, but high school was a _really_ long time ago. He hadn’t really tried singing since, so he still could, right?

"Great! That’s great! ‘Cause I love to hit the stage with Finn and all, but it’s getting old and people are craving new voices"


	3. Chapter 3

It was Sunday night when Sam finally brought their mysterious-designer-neighbor home. Blaine was in his room still unpacking and stressing out about his new job, so he didn’t hear Sam and his friend get into the appartement and get to work.

Cooper appeared suddenly in the corner of his room and Blaine rolled his eyes already expecting him to start rambling about how great he was and how if he wasn’t there for him, Blaine would be lost.

"What do you want?"

 _"Nothing. Just admiring my work"_ , said his older brother with his arms crossed across his chest.

"You didn’t do anything, you’re not real remember?"

_"Fair enough... So nervous? For tomorrow?"_

"Obviously... I just can’t sit still, you know. It’s like if I stop doing things it’ll hit me right in the face that I went to college to study business and that I end up working in a bar!"

_"Are you sure that’s the only problem? Aren’t you scared of something else?"_

"What would I be scared about Coop’?"

_"I don’t know... you tell me. I mean it’s a piano bar right?"_

Blaine sighed and looked at Cooper with a concerned look.

"I haven’t sang in 8 years... What if he fires me because I lied..."

_"You didn’t technically lie, buddy. You’re just out of practice..."_

Blaine suddenly heard the squeaking of the bathroom door and he saw a fast chestnut flash.

 _Sam was blond_ , he reasoned, _so who was in their appartement? And why were they using their bathroom?_

Blaine grabbed a thick book, just in case he needed a weapon to defend himself, and got out of his room, looking carefully everywhere to check if there weren’t any other intruders. Then he saw Sam half naked and smiling at him. Blaine blushed and turned his gaze to look at something other than Sam’s perfect chest.

"Hey Blaine! Didn’t know you were here"

"Uhm I’m sorry... I didn’t know you came back home early... I-I’m gonna get out of your way... this is so embarrassing" mumbled Blaine, he felt so dumb at this exact moment.

Of course Sam would have a boyfriend, or at least someone over once in a while, he was Sam! Who wouldn’t want to be with him? Or even hookup?

Blaine looked at Sam with the most apologetic look and turned away.

"I-I’m gonna go, leave you two alone"

"Blaine I swear it’s no big deal"

"No I-I should have known that you were gonna be bringing your boyfriend-"

Sam barked out a laugh, creating two dimples, one on each of his cheeks.

"Kurt is definitely not my boyfriend Blaine... No offense but I’m not even gay..."

Blaine stared at Sam with wide eyes and felt even dumber than before. He should know better than to assume these kind of things...

"Oh."

"Yeah, he’s the designer friend. We work together-"

"Sam I’m so sorry honey, but I’m gonna have to leave. Isabelle called, she needs me at the office right now, you’ll just come by tomorrow morning or something ok?"

Blaine turned his gaze to identify the soft voice that was coming from behind him, and that had cut Sam, and couldn’t help but gasp at the beauty of the man standing beside him. His face was down hypnotized by his phone so he didn’t notice the curly haired man staring at him lips parted and out of breath.

Kurt went and kissed Sam on the cheek before grabbing his bag and leaving without taking his eyes off of the screen of his device.

Sam left the room still chuckling at what Blaine assumed about him, with a small “goodnight bud’”, leaving his roommate completely awestruck with what he just saw.

_Why was it so cold?_

Blaine made sure to close the window though, but he was still so cold tossing and turning in his bed. His digital clock was emitting a red light that kept attracting Blaine’s eyes to it. Blaine checked the clock for the umpteenth time, reading 3:56 a.m. and sighed before getting up and leaving his room.

He had no shirt on, so he assumed that that’s why he was cold, and went to the kitchen to heat up a cup of milk. He would be lying if he said that he didn't know why he couldn't just fall asleep. He couldn't get the anxiety regarding his job out of his mind, and he knew he was probably worrying for nothing, but he couldn't just stop.

_"You have to stop worrying man"_

"Coop’ you know me, you can’t really ask this from me..."

_"Well, I tried at least... So, tell me about that guy"_

"Who Puck? He has a freaking _mohawk_ , if that’s not enough to describe him I don’t know what is-"

_"No, no, no Blainey, I was talking about the other guy... the one that left your mouth hanging open for 10 minutes after he left..."_

Blaine felt his cheeks heat up, and opened the microwave door to hide his face from his brother mumbling a small “I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

_"Come on! My little bro has a crush! That happens so rarely, you have to talk to me about this!"_

"Listen Coop’, I’m gonna drink this and go back to sleep so please, please leave me alone-"

Someone was knocking softly at their door and calling Sam trough the wood. Blaine looked at Cooper with frightened eyes. “What do I do?” muttered the curly haired man.

 _"Open the door..."_ said Cooper rolling his eyes as if it was obvious to just open the door for a stranger calling his roommate’s name at 3 in the morning.

Blaine went to the door and opened it so that he could see who it was, and when he recognized the stranger, he let the door slide open on it’s own revealing Kurt.

"W-why hi! Uhm i-is Sam awake?"

"H-hi, no sorry. Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I left my sketchbook here earlier I just need to take it back..."

Kurt had beautiful blue eyes and Blaine felt them examining his body, so he looked down and realized he still was shirtless.

"Uh... not the kind to sleep much?" he asked covering his chest with his arms and moving out of the way to try and stop Kurt's eyes from roaming his body.

The other man was holding back a smile and went straight to the sofa grabbing his sketchbook and turning back around to face a very embarrassed Blaine.

"Nope, too much work... So who are you?"

Blaine looked at Kurt with wide eyes before laughing nervously and answering,

"I’m Sam’s new roommate. I’m Blaine, sorry I should have introduced myself..."

"Well, very nice to meet you Blaine", said Kurt unashamedly checking him out now.

When he finally finished, Blaine’s face was red, and he held out a hand introducing himself,

"I’m Kurt, I work with Sam... For a second here I thought Sam had reconsidered being gay", he laughed going back to the door, "‘cause he would have had really good taste... Anyways, goodnight Blaine, and thank you for this"

Kurt left the appartement holding up his sketchbook, and Blaine almost ran to close the door behind him still struck by the fact that this man was either very suggestive or was openly flirting with him.

_"My little brother has a huge crush on his roommate's friend!!! Oh gosh, it’s in these moments that I wish I was still here..."_

"Shut up Coop’..."

Something was making a weird sound, like a light thud right into his ear. Blaine cracked an eye open and looked around his room to identify the weird sound that he was still hearing. The sun was already up, and someone was at his window.

Sam was waving frantically at Blaine and gesturing to the window handle, muttering something like 'open the window!'

Blaine jumped to his feet and opened the window with a tired look on his face and the events of the previous night came rushing to him. He felt his cheeks heat up and looked at the window with a small smile.

"Rough night?"

"W-What?"

"Kurt told me you two met. Like properly met"

"Y-yeah I was up late last night, and he came by..."

"He told me... So what do you think?"

"Think of what?"

"Of Kurt dummy!"

"Oh, uhu..."

Blaine turned his eyes away from Sam and looked at his digital clock. Then when he saw the hour his eyes widened and he whispered “shit”

"Wow, ok that was rude-"

"No, no, no! I overslept!!! Oh my gosh, I’m gonna get fired so soon! I’ve never gotten fired in my life, and Puck was so nice. Fuck, I didn’t want to disappoint him and here I am, late. I’m never late!" rambled Blaine while stepping into his closet and throwing some shirts and jeans everywhere on the floor.

"Relax man, it’s only 11:40 nobody’s gonna get fired..."

"He told me to be there at ten to start practicing with early customers so that I get used to the rush gradually"

"But isn’t it weird to go to a bar at ten in the morning? Don’t you think he meant like 10 p.m.?"

Blaine stopped throwing clothes around and stepped out of his closet squinting his eyes in confusion.

"Think about it... it makes more sense, plus I don’t think Puck himself is awake at this hour of the day..."

Blaine slapped both his hands on his face and fell on his bed,

"Why am I so out of focus these days, ugh!"

"It’s alright man... don’t worry about it, it’s just the beginning, you’ll come around..."

Sam sat on the edge of the bed bouncing a few times, Blaine turned on his back to face the ceiling, "I hope so..."

Sam laid down next to his roommate and asked once more,

"So what did you think of him? Of Kurt?"

"I don’t know... I mean, he kinda caught me off guard last night and when he came to the appartement that evening too"

"No but I mean, really. Like how’d you find him"

"Why does this matter so much to you? He was ok, I don’t know what to say. Although I don’t really know if it was the case but I think he checked me out... he thought I was your boyfriend..." laughed Blaine turning his hazel eyes to look at the blond’s reaction.

Sam laughed with Blaine and then frowned,

"Why do you guys always think I’m gay? You know I went to high school with Kurt, and on the first day he almost directly came up to me and basically asked me if I liked boys"

"It’s the hair man"

"That’s exactly what he told me when I said no... I mean, aren’t there any blond guys that are not gay?"

"Maybe..."

"I thought you’re guys’ gaydar was efficient..."

"First off, I’m offended that you assume I’m gay because I thought _you_ were gay. And second off, our gaydar works wonders!"

"So you must already know that Kurt is gay then?" said Sam with a knowing look that made Blaine blush and turn his eyes away.

The model got up and went to the kitchen asking on his way out what Blaine wanted to eat, “I’m ordering”

Blaine sighed and slapped a hand on his forehead before getting up and stepping into the bathroom.

_What a morning..._


	4. Chapter 4

"Blaine! So, ready to start your day?"

"You mean finish it, right?"

"No, you’re gonna be here for a while…"

"When does this place close anyways?"

"5 a.m. man, have you never been to a bar before?"

Blaine looked at Puck stunned, not that he was scared of not getting enough sleep, he’s the one having insomnia since he came here. But Puck was saying that he was going to work from 10 p.m to 5 a.m _non stop_?

He will have to talk to Puck about his work schedule, because he was pretty sure this was going to be ten times more exhausting than his job at the bank.

Puck handed him a burgundy apron and led him to Finn, the barman, and Mike, another waiter, to explain to him what his job was exactly.

Finn was a really tall guy with dark brown floppy hair and a huge goofy grin seemed to be his lasting facial feature. He had a towel on his shoulder and he explained to Blaine what each drink was and in what cup he needed to pour them, even though that wasn’t really Blaine’s job. Then Mike, a tall and muscular Asian man with guy-liner and dark hair that somehow stood up straight on his head, showed him how the register worked.

"You’ll start here first, it’s not really the easiest job but trust me, waiting and serving people is gonna be much worse"

Blaine was good at math, he graduated from business school for God’s sake! So he understood how it worked pretty fast and kept a steady and efficient rhythm for two hours straight. The bar was filling up, and drunk people were already hitting the stage and singing their heart out. Blaine couldn’t really take his eyes off the register but he could hear very well, and couldn’t stop a smile from spreading on his face.

"What’s up man? How are you handling things?"

Sam was standing right in front of Blaine, his signature smile on and he seemed _very_ excited. His hands couldn't stop moving and he looked like he was buzzing with unexhausted energy

"Hey Sam! What’s up?"

"Not much, not much…"

He was _definitely_ acting weird.

"Do you want me to get you anything or…?"

"Uhm yeah, yeah sure, I’ll take a beer and... Can you warn me when you hit the stage?"

Blaine muffled a shy laugh and nodded while taking Sam’s money.

Blaine was crossing his fingers, because he didn’t really want to sing, he didn’t want to disappoint Puck and risk getting fired on the first day but he tried to do a perfect job to compensate.

Blaine realised pretty fast that after midnight it was hard to keep the same rhythm, people seemed to be coming out of nowhere and he couldn’t really hear the sound of his own voice with all the awful drunk singing and the really loud chatter. Plus Cooper had appeared a few minutes ago and Blaine couldn’t really focus on his work when he literally had to check what Cooper was doing every two seconds, even if he wasn’t real, he didn’t trust his brother’s spectrum.

Blaine took a 15 minutes break to grab something to eat and stretch his sore fingers around 3:30 a.m, and after that his nightmare came crashing to him.

"Blaine! You’re here, great! We need you on stage, like right now. Hope you prepared something…"

Puck disappeared as fast as he came and left Blaine alone with his nerves.

When he finally got back inside, the bar was much quieter, and the stage was empty, Puck held two thumbs up when he saw him and all but ran on stage,

"Hey, everyone!"

He got welcomed with enraged and wild cheers from the crowd that Blaine just noticed. His heartbeat sped up and he started sweating heavily feeling Cooper floating around him.

"Coop’ this is really not a good time to be annoying right now…"

 _"I’m really hurt little bro"_ said his brother while faking being upset, _"I thought you still needed me…"_

Blaine rolled his eyes and looked at the crowd again trying to identify Sam’s face.

"Ok, so this is a first for us guys... We won’t be singing for you tonight…"

Everybody in the crowd booed,

"…but, we have someone new to introduce to you!"

The crowd cheered again and Blaine felt better, and relaxed a little bit.

"Please give a warm welcome to my new friend, Blaine Anderson!"

Blaine came up on stage followed by clapping and shouting and cheering and wooing.

"It’s his first time in New-York, and tonight, he’s gonna sing for you guys!"

The piano was small and old, and the tiles were yellowish.

 _Vintage_ , thought Blaine when he finally placed his fingers on the tiles.

A microphone was placed right in front of his mouth and he made the quick decision to say something before starting,

"Hi, I’m Blaine Anderson. Excuse the rustiness it has been quite some time, but I hope you’ll enjoy it anyways…"

Blaine had learned to play the piano when he was 7 and never stopped, it was like riding a bike, you couldn’t really forget it. After that, when he started high school, he realised how much _cooler_ it was to play the guitar and so he taught himself.

The sound was coming out uneven and there were a few slip ups but Blaine was doing great so far, so he started singing.

Blaine had chosen ' _Piano Man'_ because he thought it was pretty appropriate, given the environment, and it was the only song he thought of for which he knew all the lyrics.

Suddenly he heard a weird sound, like someone was trying to blow a whistle but nothing was coming out, and he looked up confused only to see Sam. He was in the back, a harmonica in the mouth and both his hands covering it. He was walking towards him and Blaine couldn’t help but smile.

_'Sing us a song, you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well, we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feelin' alright'_

Blaine couldn’t believe his friend’s kindness, he was confused as to _how on earth_ did he know he was nervous about this specific part of the job. Some people moved to let Sam walk up to the stage and Blaine was delighted, he was so grateful and so he squared his shoulders and concentrated on the song.

_'It’s a pretty good crowd for a Saturday_

_And the manager gives me a smile_

_'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see_

_To forget about life for a while_

_'And the piano, it sounds like a carnival_

_And the microphone smells like a beer_

_And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar_

_And say, "Man, what are you doin' here?" '_

Puck was so happy and high-fived Finn who had stopped pouring drinks to watch the show that was taking place right before his eyes. Mike was standing right next to a customer who was holding him by the shoulders and everybody had stopped what they were doing just to listen to Blaine.

_'Sing us a song you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you got us feeling alright’_

Blaine finished the song, and right before he could raise his gaze to look at the crowd two strong arms took him into a tight hug, and people started cheering and clapping.

_One more! One more! One more!_

"They love you man! I thought you were out of practice!"

Blaine was grinning now and watching his friend,

"How did you know?"

"I heard you, the other day, you were rambling about singing at Puck’s bar in your room... I thought I might help ya out…"

Blaine felt kind of embarrassed that Sam heard him talk to Cooper that night and thought he was talking to himself. Which wasn’t inaccurate if you think about it. But he was so grateful anyways,

"Sam you’re the best!"

Kurt was sewing a hem on the fabric that was resting on Sam’s shoulder.

"Ow! Kurt! It’s the third time now, are you sure you don’t want me to come back later, you need to get some rest…"

"Look, if I don’t finish this now I’ll never finish it in time…"

Sam turned around and looked at Kurt who was now annoyed at him for moving.

"Sam! I just need to finish this hem and you will be good to go! Just be patient ok?"

Sam didn’t move for a bit, looking at him intently and clearly not thinking about moving anytime soon.

"What?"

The blond boy, stepped down from the little pedestal he was standing on and sat down on the floor ignoring Kurt’s panicked look.

"You work too much man, you barely sleep and eat, you’re never there and... how long has it been since you’ve seen our friends?"

"I see you everyday Sam…"

"You know _exactly_ that I’m not talking about me… And if it wasn’t for your job you wouldn’t be seeing me either. Kurt, you need to slow down on the work stuff or you’ll regret it later…"

Kurt sighed harshly and stood from his chair to grab his phone,

"It’s not that easy Sam, I’m not like you, naturally made to do what I do. I have to work hard to stay in the race or I’ll get stepped on and go back to square one. This is a tough business, you work in it for crying out loud, you must know. I can't afford to take a break, or go on a vacation, not when I'm just starting. Maybe in a few years when I'll finally be recognised... I don't just stand around waiting for people to do the job for me, okay?"

Sam got up, now visibly hurt by what Kurt said, and started taking off the suit that Kurt was tailoring.

"Oh ‘cause you think it has been easy for me? You think I just _stand around_ and wait for you to dress me? What, like a _doll_? You think I got handed my job on a silver platter because I have abs? You know that modelling is not easy and that it’s not just looking good and posing in front of the camera…"

"Sam I’m- I didn’t... wait! You know I didn’t mean that... Sam!"

The blond boy had left the appartement, leaving Kurt alone with his suit on the floor and tears in his eyes,

"Shit!"

He was now clutching his phone in his hand and resting his chin on it. He held his position for a few seconds and threw his phone on the sofa, grabbed his cigarettes and went out on the fire escape. The sun was only rising, and Kurt realised how early it was, he hadn’t slept of the whole night, too busy with his designs and paperwork for Vogue.

He sat on the very edge of the stairwell and let his legs hang in the air over the street under him, not caring about his pants getting dirty. He lit his cigarette and rested his forehead on the stair railing and breathed the smoke in, feeling it burn his throat on it's way to his lungs.

_'Ain’t nobody_

_Loves me better_

_...makes me happy_

_Makes me feel this way…'_

A soft voice was singing right above Kurt and he raised his head to see who was emitting such a beautiful sound. A short dark curly haired man was sitting at his window back facing the landscape, so he could see his face, but Kurt knew exactly who it was. Sam’s roommate- _Blaine?_ \- was holding a guitar and playing the melody while singing the lyrics to the beautiful song and Kurt was completely hypnotised.

Then he stopped suddenly, interrupted by someone talking to him,

"I see you remembered how to use it. You’re actually really good, I can’t believe you’re self taught!"

"Oh yeah, I was told that if you know how to play the piano you know how to play any instrument... and my 15 year old self is proof that it’s true…"

There was a short silence then, and Kurt squinted his eyes to try and catch a glimpse of what was happening on the floor above him, but he was so tired his eyes couldn’t focus anymore. He exhaled another bit of smoke and threw his cigarette away.

When he stepped back into his appartement he heard Sam and his roommate laughing and then his gaze fell on his bed.

_Should I take a quick nap or..._

But his phone was ringing on the couch and even if he was completely drained he still took the call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter are:  
> 'Piano Man' by Billy Joel  
> 'Ain't Nobody' by Rufus & Chaka Khan
> 
> Hope you're enjoying the story so far ;)  
> Let me know what you think  
> xx


	5. Chapter 5 (pt1)

The bar was full that night, Blaine had been at the register as usual and Mike and Finn were buzzing with excitement. It was one of their special nights, and this one specifically seemed even more special because nobody could stay in place.

Puck didn’t leave his office of the evening and Blaine was intrigued but didn’t ask. He waited for the night to unravel to discover the event on his own.

It’d been a while since Cooper had appeared. It’d been two weeks actually, since Blaine’s first night, and he didn’t really acknowledge it yet.

Sam wasn’t at Kurt’s that often anymore, they had been fighting but his roommate didn’t want to talk about it, so they were spending more time together, and Finn would join sometimes for a game night.

Puck came out of his office around midnight and went straight to Blaine resting his hand on his shoulder,

"Dude, tonight’s gonna be a little different. You’ll just do the closing number if you don’t mind"

"Yeah, ok no problem"

So when half an hour later, the bar went completely quiet Blaine’s gaze finally rose from the register curious about this mysterious event.

A beautiful woman was standing in the middle of the stage in a stunning red dress that hugged all her curves. Her dark hair was flowing down over her shoulders in a cascade of jet black waves and her flawless brown skin was illuminated by a blue stage light directed right at her. Puck was at the piano and Mike was still in the audience holding his tray and watching the scene unravel right under his eyes, he looked as amazed as Blaine but in a different way, it was more like admiration.

_'God knows I'm tired_

_They think I know hell and that hell ain't got no time_

_And it just hits you like a bullet_

_Now I need a moment alone with my soul_

_'Cause I can't stop these thoughts_

_I need peace’_

Her voice filled the bar like a drink fills a cup, she started out quiet and slow but her riffs and her raspy voice were so powerful, everybody was listening and drinking her words silently.

_'I’m ready to fight, I'm ready to see_

_What's on the other side_

_I'm ready to cry, and just let it be_

_I just gotta_

_Let it be_

_I don't have much pride_

_I'll put that aside to get back to me'_

Nobody was coming in anymore, people were waiting at the door for her to finish, out of pure respect. Some people had started tearing up and Blaine saw Sam right by the stage looking at the breathtaking singer with stars in his eyes.

_'I’ve faced every kind of pain_

_I've tried every other way_

_Honestly, I need a change_

_God knows I'm tired_

_God knows I'm tired'_

When she finally laid eyes on the blond boy sitting near the piano, her eyes squinted and her face lit up with a gorgeous smile while everybody was cheering and clapping and shouting and whistling. Blaine’s hands came together unconsciously right when the piano stopped, and his eyes were kind of wet and filled with unshed tears that he swallowed efficiently. People finally moved from the doorway and started coming in, so Blaine coughed slightly to regain an emotion-free voice and sniffed before sticking a confident and welcoming smile on his face.

Later that night, right before Blaine’s break, two other people went on stage and it provoked the same reaction from the audience, everybody went quiet but they were still drinking and smiling.

When Blaine looked up he saw a man with brown straight floppy hair and square glasses. He was wearing a really fun sweater sitting in a wheelchair with the brightest smile Blaine had ever seen and a tall and nice looking Asian woman with long dark brown hair with pink streaks and bright pink lipstick with a flowy black dress covering a long sleeved mech top.

A few people started clapping and wooing at them when Puck started to play.

_'There’s something I want to tell you_

_There's something I think that you should know_

_It's not that I shouldn't really love you_

_Let's take it slow'_

Everybody that went on stage that night seemed to have a voice that sounded like one of an angel and Blaine was starting to get confused.

_'Let’s wait awhile_

_Before it's too late_

_Let's wait awhile_

_Before we go too far_

_Remember that special night’_

The man had joined in now and Blaine couldn’t help but smile.

_'When all of the stars were shining bright_

_We made our first endeavour to stay together’_

_'We made our very first promise_

_To love, to share, and be real honest_

_But on that very first night_

_It wasn't quite right'_

People were still coming in and some were even dancing between the tables. Sam and the previous singer were completely out of sight and Blaine didn’t really want to know what was happening between these two. They definitely knew each other because no one looks at a stranger like this.

Puck held up his thumb to inform Blaine that he could go on his break while everybody was clapping and cheering. So he closed the register and locked it, then left the crowded room to get some fresh air. New York at night was cold, Blaine couldn’t deny that, but he didn’t mind, for once he was thinking about a whole bunch of other things than the cold right now.

"Alright, alright... we get it, you loved Tina and Artie, as usual, but we deserve the same welcoming energy!"

Even though Blaine was outside, the woman that was speaking could be heard from where he was standing. A lot of people shouted and whistled after that and the voice resumed,

"That’s better! Anyways, you know us by now, right? So no need for introduction let’s get right into it baby!"

A guitar and drums could be heard and Blaine was genuinely surprised, he thought there was only a piano up there but apparently they had a whole band.

_'Stylin' Wildin'_

_Livin’ it up in the city_

_Got Chucks on with Saint Laurent_

_Gotta kiss myself, I’m so pretty_

_I’m too hot'_

Blaine barked out a laugh at the sassiness of the woman on stage and sneaked his head in to have a look at what was happening on stage.

There were women. Three of them. Two blonds and a brunette. She was the one singing when Blaine peaked his head inside and she did indeed look _sassy_. The two other women were dancing, taking turns singing and swinging their hair in the air. Finn was seated at the drums and Sam was holding a red guitar between his hands and shaking his head in rhythm. Puck was at the register taking care of the costumers and shouting ' _woohoo_ 's every once in awhile. Blaine couldn’t help but smile and cheer with the audience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter are :  
> 'A Moment' by Amber Riley (queen <3)  
> 'Let's Wait a While' by Janet Jackson  
> 'Uptown Funk' by Bruno Mars
> 
> Thanks for reading! Love u guys <3  
> xx


	6. Chapter 5 (pt2)

It was nearing 2 a.m and Blaine had finally heard Finn and Puck sing together and he had to say, he completely understood why their bar was so successful. They were real rockstars!

Sam then hit the stage with an amazing song he had written himself called _Carried Away_ , and Blaine couldn’t get it out of his head.

Puck took back his place on the piano chair and, when Blaine thought the flow of talented people was over, he was once again surprised to see a short woman with straight dark long hair and a crooked nose step on stage and hold a hand out to the audience. A taller pale man took it and stepped into the light of the projector and Blaine’s breath caught in his throat.

"Hi everyone! Tonight is so special because, _well..._ we’re all reunited, but also because this little man…" she said pointing at the man at her side who was towering over her,"…has finally decided to join us and it is so rare to catch him on such short notice and such great coincidence that we had to prepare something together for you guys!"

A few people wooed and the woman turned to Puck before turning back to face the audience again, "…do I have to warn you that this is gonna be Broadway or…?"

Everybody started clapping their hands and some people cheered.

_'Forget your troubles and just get happy_

_Ya better chase all your cares away_

_Sing Hallelujah, c'mon get happy_

_Get ready for the judgment day'_

Blaine looked at Sam who was staring at him with a frown, mouthing 'what the hell?!' and turning to look at Puck who was happily focused on playing the melody.

Sam made his way through the crowd to come up to Blaine and lean on the countertop for him to hear his voice over the singing.

"How did they get _him_ to come here!"

Blaine was still completely mesmerised by the voices coming from the stage that he just shrugged and kept staring.

"Puck’s a fucking _genius_ , I don’t know how he did it…" laughed Sam following Blaine’s gaze and admiring the show.

_'We’re heading 'cross the river_

_Wash our sins away in the tide_

_It's all so peaceful_

_On the other side’_

Blaine wasn’t expecting to see Kurt at the bar. He wasn’t expecting him to sing either. But most of all he wasn’t expecting his designer neighbour to also be one of the best singers he’s ever heard.

So when the song was over and Puck held two thumbs up for Blaine to come on stage and close the night, he didn’t pay attention and stayed paralysed mouth parted and eyes wide. Puck came up to him and shook him by the shoulders to take him out of his daydream and indicate him to the stage.

"Thanks so much for staying this late guys! To finish off tonight let’s give a warm welcome to Blaine!"

The crowd cheered at him but Blaine was numb, everything was kinda fuzzy all around him as if he was drunk. He felt himself smile at the crowd and lay eyes on Kurt before turning to Puck and patting him on the shoulder.

Blaine sat down at the piano without saying a word and kept smiling still not believing what he just witnessed.

The bar was completely empty and Blaine was cleaning the few tables that were scattered next to the stage where everybody was performing earlier. Blaine was informed that these people all went to high school with Sam, Puck, Finn and Mike, so they were all seated at the bar and were chatting together and catching up. Mike was also cleaning the floor so Blaine didn’t feel left out. Finn had the short girl who invited Kurt on stage with her sitting in his lap, he guessed it was his girlfriend.

Then Mike got pulled aside by the Asian woman with pink streaks in her hair, she hugged his neck with her slim arms and was completely delighted, "You look so sexy in an apron baby, but I think you should join us…"

Mike shot a look at Blaine and turned back to the woman, "Tina, this is Blaine. He closed off the show, remember?"

"Oooh my GOD! You were _amazing_! Mike told me about you! Why don’t you join us too?"

She was now taking the wet cloth that he was using to clean up from his hand, and took his hand to guide him towards the group of people gathered at the bar and laughing at something Puck had said.

" _Guyyyyys_! I guess I don’t have to introduce Blaine to you, right?"

Everybody turned their heads to see who Tina was talking about and then, one by one, they started smiling and greeting him.

Puck poured him a shot and handed it to him,

"Oh _hell_ to the no!"

Puck looked at the woman who made him cry earlier that night, still in her diva red dress.

"…he’s not drinking alone Noah! We’re _all_ taking shots if he is!"

Everyone at the table shouted and cheered,

"Wow, you scared me for a second here Mercedes!"

So Puck - _or should he say Noah_ \- poured each one a shot and they all drank together, laughing and the chatter came back.

Sam leaned in Blaine’s ear to introduce everyone,

"So this gorgeous and fabulous lady at my right is Mercedes... She is literally amazing in every way! Then we have Tina, who’s Mike’s wife. Rachel is Finn’s fiancé, and she was on broadway, you've probably seen her before. Then Kurt, who you obviously already know, and next to him in the wheelchair is Artie who’s a film director and is working on his first movie. These three amazing women are Santana Brittany and Quinn, or the ' _Unholy Trinity_ ' as they like to call themselves. Brit’ is Santana’s girlfriend…"

"So Blaine, tell us, where did you learn to sing like that?"

" _I_ should be asking _you_ this question…" laughed Blaine getting comfortable in his seat.

They have been drinking several types of alcohol and he was feeling like oversharing tonight.

"I was in my high school’s glee club when I was younger, but I guess I never learned professionally like you guys. You all seem to be coming out of Beyoncé’s womb…"

Mercedes laughed and slapped her hand on his thigh, Finn and Rachel left a few minutes ago and Tina and Mike were getting ready to do the same.

"It was a pleasure to meet you Blaine! Let us know next time you do another show, I will sure be there!"

Sam was helping Puck clean up, and Artie, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany and Kurt were all rounded up chatting and laughing around the stage.

"So I suppose you’re not a singer?"

Blaine laid eyes on Kurt and smiled shyly before replying,

"No. I-I graduated from business school, so not really…"

"Wow! And what are you doing here in New York then? 'You planning on taking over Puck’s business?" whispered the taller man looking at him with malicious eyes.

Blaine laughed good-heartedly and shook his head negatively.

"I love this bar, and I love what Puck did with it. The atmosphere the environnement the people, all that. I wouldn’t dare take his hard work away from him, he definitely deserves the credit"

Kurt rolled his eyes fondly and added teasingly,

"Such an angel. So perfectly nice…"

Blaine was now staring at the blue eyed man, he knew it was the alcohol and his blunt flirting, but something was happening right now that he couldn’t control.

Mercedes got him out of his rêverie with her loud voice, "Sam baby, stop cleaning and come join us. You too Puck!"

She then turned to the group and whispered,

"I wish he was that eager when he comes over, I swear men are unbelievable!"

"That’s why I never complain about Brittany, I told you, women are superior"

"Hold on a sec…"

"Shut up Artie, you still don’t have a girlfriend so don’t tell me anyone would find you bearable"

Artie opened his mouth theatrically and held a hand to his heart showing Santana how ' _hurt_ ’ he was.

When Blaine finally broke eye contact with Kurt, he immediately looked at his watch, and almost jumped up,

"Damn guys it’s 7 a.m, I should get some sleep..."

Kurt looked worried, chewing on his bottom lip. He had been getting calls during the night, but either Sam, Rachel or Santana hung up before he could answer them.

"I think I’m gonna get going too…"

"Noooo Kurt come on! We never see you"

"'Cedes I love you, but I’ve got work to do, I need to compensate the missed calls that I had all night… If I’m not already fired that is" and shot a threatening glare at Santana who laughed it off.

Blaine was walking towards Sam,

"Hey Sam, I think I’d better leave, do you need anything before I go?"

"Nope"

"Do you even have a key?"

"Uhm… I-"

"Ok just bang real’ hard on the door when you come back, I told you a doorbell would be of use in these situations…"

"Ok, good night Blainey!"

"Don’t stay out too long Sam!"

He got out and started walking with a spring in his step, excited to finally get some sleep,

"If I didn’t know you guys I would’ve though you were married or something…"

"Kurt"

Blaine stopped and smiled at him.

"Do you wanna walk together?"

"Y-yeah sure"

The subway ride went smoothly if you don’t count Kurt bumping into Blaine every time it harshly stopped.'Sorry’ he would say but he clearly wasn’t, liking the fact that Blaine would blush a little more every time Kurt’s thigh touched his.

When they finally got out, Blaine was weirdly relieved. He knew that if they kept going he would have done something stupid knowing that he was a little drunk and completely head over heals for the man standing next to him.

But the universe wasn’t having it that way. When they got into the tiny elevator, a bunch of other people got in with them and Blaine had never felt more surrounded. Kurt’s arm was brushing his and their thighs were pressed onto each other. When Blaine tried to move his hand to leave more space for Kurt, it fell on Kurt’s.

Kurt looked at Blaine with an unreadable expression and Blaine stared, not knowing what to do. The elevator emptied at one point but the two men didn’t move away from each other, mesmerised by each other's gaze. Kurt was very close to Blaine now, and Blaine could see every shade of blue in the other man’s eyes. He was still holding his hand and their bodies were still pressed against one another. He could feel Kurt’s hot breath on his skin and his eyes analysing every part of his face.

Blaine felt like the man was undressing him, but it didn’t feel bad. No, it felt _reassuring_. That maybe someone found him attractive, and if that someone was Kurt he was blessed. He stared back unashamedly drifting his eyes to Kurt’s pink plump and very kissable lips.

And then he felt something, like air.

He felt a breeze or like wind was being blown into the elevator, and he knew exactly what it was so he backed away quickly and looked everywhere to find the source of his frustration.

Kurt looked hurt for a very short moment, and then put on a strong face and smiled. As if in synch the elevator stopped finally at his floor and he left waving at Blaine, "It was nice seeing you Blaine! Hope I’ll see you around if my boss hasn’t murdered me yet!"

Blaine waved back feeling ashamed and completely dumb and shooting death glares at Cooper, who was clearly disappointed he couldn’t watch his brother get it.

_"Blaine! What was that?"_

"What?"

_"You were clearly gonna get all over each other what happened?"_

Blaine laughed with no humor and got out of the elevator at his own floor,

"Are you kidding? You were literally lurking like a fucking pervert, I’m not into voyeurism you see... Plus I don’t think that was really what he wanted…"

_"Are you listening to yourself right now?"_

"Look Coop’ even if you hadn’t shown up I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t think psychotic schizophrenic is a look that he would like on a boyfriend… He deserves better"

_"Ugh!"_ groaned Cooper slapping a hand on his face, " _You can be so dumb sometimes"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs used in this chapter are:  
> 'Carried Away' by Chord Overstreet was mentioned,   
> 'Get Happy/ Happy Days Are Here Again' by none other than Barbra Streisand and Judy Garland.


	7. Chapter 6

He woke to loud knocking on the door and opened it to reveal an ecstatic looking Sam, hair all undone and shirt half open,

"Wow! Got recognised by some fan girls or something?"

"…no, not really"

His pupils were blown wide and he couldn’t erase the dopey smile off his face.

_Oh._

_Sam got laid._

"Who was it?" asked Blaine closing the door behind them both and running a hand through his own messy hair.

"What? Who was who?"

"Well you obviously went... _places_ …"

"I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about dude…"

Blaine laughed it off and started the coffee machine. He didn’t want to pry, he knew he was getting annoying, Sam didn’t have to tell him anything if he wasn’t comfortable with it,

"What about you?"

Blaine shot his head up to look at Sam, causing the coffee powder to spill on the countertop. 

_Crap_

"W-what?"

"What happened with Kurt?"

Blaine avoided Sam’s eyes and busied himself by cleaning the countertop cussing under his breath.

Sam laid his bust down avoiding the coffee to force Blaine to look at him in the eyes,

"What makes you think _anything_ happened between me and Kurt? And, _just for your information_ , nothing happened and I don’t know why you went there in the first place…" answered Blaine defensively.

_That was petty of you Blaine... Not cool_

Sam sat back in his chair and nodded pouring coffee in his mug and staring at Blaine on the other side of the kitchen isle,

"Ok you wanna know what happened to _me_ then? Let me tell you.

I am completely head over heals for Mercedes, right? And she is too, I just know it. The thing is, she travels a lot and doesn’t wanna date before she’s settled somewhere and has a stable life. Plus she wants to get married and wait until marriage, which l completely understand and agree with.

Now what I don’t understand is why wouldn’t she want to _be_ with me? We love each other, and we're adults, it could totally work out! Why wouldn’t she want to, at least, _try_?"

In that specific moment he didn’t know what to say, he would feel dumb about that later, but right now he was completely shocked. He knew something was definitely going on between these two, but he was talking about the _L- word_ here... There was a part of the story that Blaine was missing,

"A-wh… I’m sorry man I-"

"Don’t worry ‘bout it", shrugged Sam getting comfortable on his seat, "Anyways, back to yesterday night.

She brought me to her appartement and she was drunk, like _reeeaally_ drunk, and she started kissing me and all and we started makin’ out and then she started taking my shirt off. So you know in the moment I was like, 'dude I won the lottery' you know? But then I thought 'you can’t do that, man. Not to her... Plus she’s drunk'. I felt like those dirty pervs, so I backed off.

But it didn’t stop her, she kept kissing me and telling me all these things, like how much she loved me and how she wanted to be with me but she couldn’t and straight up rambling... I don’t know, in the moment I felt super bad, and angry at her. Like, how could she say things like that to me when she knows it’s gonna hurt? Y’know? So when she fell asleep I left and on the way back here I thought about it and you know what they say, 'drunk words are sober thoughts' right? So I don’t know I was like, if she really loves me and all, then that’s what counts right?

I can wait for her. Wait 'till she's ready and all..."

Blaine sat down next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder,

"Sam you’re amazing. I can see that Mercedes loves you, it’s like the love you have for each other radiates around you guys and if I wasn’t a hopeless romantic I would find it annoying... You’re meant for each other"

Sam nodded and stood up, going straight to his bed and mumbling something like,'I didn’t forget about you, Blainers. You’ll have to tell me about Kurt one day or the other!' and left the room.

Blaine sighed and took his coffee outside on his personal fire escape. He hummed happily and sat down on the steel grid floor, when he noticed a red light. A teeny tiny red light right under him, same as last time, and he couldn’t look away. The man smoking his cigarette had chestnut fluffy hair and was wearing a beautiful designer striped shirt with the sleeves rolled up revealing the smooth unblemished porcelain skin of his long arms resting on the cold grey handrail. His phone was pressed to his ear and just hearing his soft voice was enough to make Blaine want to slap a hand on his face.

_I’m so fucking dumb..._

_"Yeah you sure are…"_

Blaine turned around, startled by Cooper, standing next to him on the fire escape and looking down at the man smoking.

_Did I say that out loud?_

"What do you want?" whispered Blaine, afraid to be heard by Kurt --who was obviously busy doing something else and didn’t have a clue Blaine was watching him, but better safe than sorry.

_"Nothing… can’t a man check on his brother from time to time?"_

Blaine sighed and dropped his forehead to the metal bar.

"You were right, I really wanted to kiss him... Why do I always screw things up? Why am I like that?"

Blaine doesn't even hear what Cooper says because something Kurt's voice takes all Blaine’s attention,

"I don’t know Isabelle! Look, I lost my only non-paid model and I have no money to hire another one so… Yeah, Sam got angry at me… Yes, again… Look, I didn’t call you to lecture me okay? I know we always fight but I don’t think he’s just gonna forget about this one… Whatever, I don’t even have time to look… I- No! I’m not giving up! It’s just… I need a break right now, and said break has been forced on me… Well you shouldn’t give me so much work, maybe think about that… I- Uhg, sure… Bye. Yeah yeah, love you too…"

Kurt hung up and threw his unfinished cigarette over the railing before getting back inside and banging his window shut.

_"Eavesdrop much squirt?"_

"Did you hear that? He needs a model! He got into a fight with Sam, he needs someone…"

_"So what, you’re gonna volunteer?"_ laughed Cooper _, "You realise that Sam’s much taller than you, right? You’re just not built for it, with your tiny hobbit frame and your huge eager puppy eyes!"_

"Yeah, well, maybe I can convince Sam to help him, or something?"

_"I don’t know, baby bro…"_

Sam’s not over whatever has been going on between him and Kurt, and every morning Blaine wakes up to the smell of coffee and no banging on his window. And maybe he should be happy about that. He doesn’t have to wake up at the crack of dawn every day any more. He doesn’t have to deal with Sam’s obnoxious impromptu James Bond entrance in the morning, or be shaken awake from his lovely dreams…

But there’s something off, and even if he should feel relieved, he isn’t. Knowing that Kurt’s work has been put on hold because he doesn’t have a model, and knowing that his roommate and the guy he’s head-over-heels in love with aren’t getting along makes him feel uneasy.

He tries to bring it up though, but Sam always shuts him up by asking him about his crush on Kurt.

So one Sunday morning, Blaine gets out on his fire escape and sits down enjoying his coffee, and notices the familiar red light of the tip of Kurt’s infamous cigarette. He doesn’t know what comes over him in that moment, but he gets up and goes down the iron stairs,

"Good morning…"

"Hi stranger! Discovered the secret passage I see…"

Blaine smiles shyly and lays back on the railing next to Kurt back facing the city, "Sorry to intrude…"

"None of that, you’re not intruding. It’s a good surprise…"

And Kurt smiles around his cigarette and Blaine doesn’t have a particular attraction for smokers but in that moment, this sight is the hottest thing he’s ever seen.

He sips on his coffee to try and re-hydrate his dry throat when his eyes land on the inside of Kurt’s appartement, and it’s... a _mess_.

Blaine imagines this is his sewing room or something, because there are yards of fabric backed up against a wall, and a long blue satin fabric draped over what he assumes is a table. There are a few mannequins in the far corner of the room next to a hanger. Some of the mannequins are dressed, some of them juste have tape on them, a few ensembles hang on the hangers, and there is an unfinished blazer draped over the back of a chair. Said chair facing a huge sewing machine sitting on a table covered with beds and ribbons and glitter and thread.

On the floor, next to the tables Blaine notices stacks of magazines and, what he assumes are, fashion books piled up so high it almost reaches the table. And a bunch of patterns lay on the floor, some pinned to the fabric, some just laying there…

"I don’t have time to tidy up, but believe me if I could I would… I would like to be able to see my floor without stepping on anything for once…"

Kurt has now finished his cigarette and turned around mimicking Blaine’s position, "My boss keeps giving me work to do, and I can barely eat or sleep 'cause I always have something to work on…"

Blaine’s speechless, it must be a nightmare to live that way. Not being able to see anyone, always head buried in your work, barely having any time to eat…

"I used to love it… It was my dream job, and I loved my boss, still do. She’s like the cool aunt I never had. But it’s getting harder and harder, you know…"

Blaine totally understood what Kurt was talking about. Being forced to do things and having them pile up until you couldn’t handle them all anymore. Feeling like you had no power over your own life.

Kurt was supposed to be doing the job of his dreams, be able to show the world his work, be praised for it, be acknowledged. But now, with all these people imposing their opinions and ideas and requests on him, it wasn’t fun anymore. It isn’t the same. His work was not passion driven anymore, it was stress and pressure that pushed him to keep going, and Blaine knew that feeling all too well.

"I understand… and I’m sorry it turned out like that, you deserve so much better…"

Kurt was now looking at him, confused, because of course _how could he understand?_

"I used to work in a bank, back in California… but that was not my choice. 

I wanted to make my father satisfied with me. I wanted him to accept me, maybe even proud, which is something he wasn’t at all after I had come out. And it hurt, it hurt so much to see his disappointed glare at dinner, or when he would completely ignore me… So I went into business school, for him, instead of pursuing music like I wanted to.

I know what it feels like to not have control over your own life… To feel like you need to please everyone to be accepted. To do something you thought you enjoyed and watching yourself begin to hate it from afar, and not being able to do anything about it…"

"Blaine, I’m so sorry…"

"But I escaped… it took me some time, and I would have preferred it if it wasn’t in the circumstances it was in, but I did… And yeah, maybe I’m struggling, and I work in a bar, but I’m still doing what I like after repressing it for so long…"

"Blaine…"

"And I feel free, you know? Like finally, _finally_ , I’m doing something that matters to _me_. And I feel alive, like I’ve been under water all this time and I’m finally feeling the oxygen fill my lungs. Don’t give up on that Kurt… Set yourself free, everything will be easier I promise…"

"Blaine…"

"Yeah?"

"I really want to kiss you right now…"

There was a silence. Because Blaine didn’t know what to do, in that moment. Or what to say. Because Kurt said he wanted to kiss him and was looking at him with those gorgeous saphir eyes. Because Blaine felt all the air escape his lungs and Kurt’s gaze undressing him. Because he was _paralysed,_ he couldn’t move, or form coherent thoughts.

So he just nodded, eyes wide and heart beating so fast it was going to burst out of his chest.

And then everything went still. Kurt’s lips were on his and he immediately relaxed. His heart kept beating hard but stayed in his chest and he did gasp pretty loudly because Kurt kissing him sent electricity jolts all throughout his body and made him shiver.

They parted looking into each others eyes, but that wasn't enough for Blaine, he needed more. So he surged forward and pressed his lips to Kurt’s, opening his mouth slightly, inviting Kurt’s tongue inside.

Kurt’s strong arms came to cup the back of his neck to deepen the kiss and Blaine’s hands flew to his waist, whining softly when his pinky brushed over Kurt’s exposed skin.


	8. Chapter 7

"Wow" breathed Blaine when they finally parted panting hard and foreheads still pressed together.

_'Wow'? Really Blaine?_

Kurt’s soft laugh made Blaine’s shoulders relax, feeling his anxiety disappear and he smiled softly watching Kurt’s eyelids flutter open,

"You sure are something different Blaine Anderson"

Blaine felt heat rise up from the bottom of his neck and he gulped loudly, "Is that a bad thing?"

"No"

"Okay, good. Good"

They were staring at each other, still so close, studying all the details of each other’s faces and hot breath travelling back and forth and tickling their skin. Kurt’s arms slid on Blaine’s shoulders and his soft hands rested on the back of his neck, playing with the short hair there, and Blaine’s arms relaxed around Kurt’s waist. Blaine’s lips were still tingling from the kiss and Kurt’s lips were right there, he just had to move half an inch forward and the hot rush he felt in the pit of his stomach would come back.

"Blaine?"

Sam’s voice startled them both and Kurt backed away, patting Blaine’s shoulder and mouthing 'I’ll see you later' with a wink, but Sam was already making his way down the stairs,

"Ah there you are! What are you even doing here- Oh!"

"Hey Sam" said Blaine lamely, stepping unconsciously closer to Kurt.

"Kurt."

"Hi Sam…"

It was awkward.

There was a silence so long and tension son thick you could take a knife and cut right through it, and what Blaine hated more than anything was awkward tension. To even make it worse and not help his case, Cooper had appeared backed up on Kurt’s window and smiling too brightly,

_"It’s a family reunion! Are we all gonna hug to congratulate Blaine for finally carrying his balls and getting it?"_

Blaine rolled his eyes and could unfortunately not speak and shut his brother up, even though nobody but him could hear him,

"Uh, well it was nice seeing you Kurt, if you don’t mind I need Blaine to help me understand how our new waffle maker works, because I don’t want to set off the fire alarm…"

"No yeah, I get it no problem, we were done anyways… He’s all yours…"

_"Ouch"_ commented Cooper, now stepping inside Kurt’s appartement and running his hands on every possible surface.

"Blaine? You comin’?"

"Y-yeah I’ll be up in a sec'…"

Sam nodded once and turned on his heels before climbing back up and Blaine waited until he was finally inside before turning back to look at Kurt, who was now examining his hands,

"What’s wrong between you two?"

Kurt breathed out a laugh without humor and looked up but avoided Blaine’s eyes, "I was kind of a dick to him…"

"How so?"

"I was stressed and tired and I said the wrong thing, and I know there is no excuse but I don’t know how to fix it without making him think that I’m only apologising because I need him for my project…"

"Oh"

"Yeah, oh. It sucks because I can’t keep that big mouth of mine shut, but usually I can control what I say around my friends…"

_"Ooooooh drama!"_

Cooper was now standing right between them both, watching eagerly as if he was a toddler in front of his favorite cartoon, and Blaine had the urge to tell him to fuck off,

"It’ll get better, he’ll come around don’t worry. In the meantime, that could be a good thing for you. You could use that extra free time to relax and step away from the job for a while…"

Kurt didn’t seem quite convinced but he nodded anyways and pecked Blaine on the lips before stepping back inside his appartement,

"You should get back to Sam" and before closing his window he added, "And Blaine? Thanks, I really appreciated that"

_"Have you already asked him out on a date?"_

Blaine sighed and rolled his eyes at Cooper standing next to him behind the register,

"I’m working Coop’, get lost would you?"

_"Come on, are we not gonna talk about this? Frankly I’m the only one you can talk to about this anyways, it’s not like you have a choice…"_

"Coop’"

_"…Sam’s mad with him, but he seems to be very interested in your guys’ business, and… and that’s it. Your roommate is literally your only friend…"_

"For the love of everything devine Coop’"

_"…You used to have a good bunch of friends back in LA, we need to fix that matter when we get the time. Don’t you interact with anyone in here? I mean there is that other waiter and the ridiculously tall bartender but-"_

"Cooper! Stop!"

"Uh… sorry?" the customer Blaine was tending to asked, money hovering in his hand over the counter.

_Great._

"Sorry, didn’t mean that… enjoy your night, thank you"

_"I’m just sayin’ that you should ask him out… I mean he kissed you, and if that isn’t forward enough I don’t know what is. He likes you, I don’t see why you shouldn’t see where this could go"_

Blaine went to the back and closed the pantry door behind himself and his brother,

"First of all, you can’t just talk to me when I’m at work or when there are people around 'cause I won’t be able to answer you, and God only knows I wish I didn’t have to sometimes.

Second of all, why do you think I haven’t asked him on a date yet? Huh? Think about it Coop’, since you’re _so_ visionary. What is so _wrong_ with me that I can’t even ask the guy I like, and who probably likes me back, out?"

Cooper made a face, frowning slightly, exaggerating his features, putting his index finger on his chin and humming quietly looking upwards. That was Cooper’s 'thinking face', and Blaine really didn’t have time for his brother’s bullshit right now,

"I’m gonna tell you what’s wrong with me : it’s you"

_"Well, thank you-"_

"You’re not real. You’re a figment of my imagination. You are my coping mechanism. I’m talking to a ghost, an illusion. That guy, out there, thinks I have schizophrenia, and I’m honestly starting to think so too.

Most of the time you annoy me so much that I’m able to scream at you and tell you to shut up. Usually I can block out your voice because all you talk about is yourself, and what _you_ think is right, and what _you_ think I should do. Pretty often, when you speak, there is a small group of people that gathers around you and gives me the opportunity to flee, and you wouldn’t even notice it because as long as someone seems a little bit interested in what you have to say, you don’t care who they are.

But I can’t do these things anymore. I can’t scream at you, tell you to shut up. I can’t block you out. I can’t flee. Because you’re there" and he stabs a finger to his temple, "You’re there and you won’t leave"

With that final statement, Blaine threw the door open and left the empty room.

Puck was signalling to Blaine that it was his set from where he was, helping Mike serve drinks and chatting with the customers, so Blaine made his way to the stage and sat himself down on the piano stool, breathing slowly.

He was still angry from his fight with himself really, because that’s what he was doing, and had absolutely no desire to sing right now. He was too wound up to even concentrate on song lyrics,

"Good evening guys, for those of you who don’t know me, I’m Blaine Anderson. I hope you had a good day, and if not, I hope you’re having a good time right now. Personally I’m not feeling great, but hopefully this will make us all feel better…"

He ran his digits on the slick surface of the yellowish piano tiles trying to concentrate and started playing softly at first,

_'Now, here I go again_

_I say, I want my freedom_

_Well, who are you to keep me down_

_It’s only right that I should_

_Play the way I feel it_

_But listen carefully, to the sound_

_Of my loneliness’_

His fingers flew on the tiles, purging his mind from all the darkness and the negativity, letting it all pour down through his mouth and into the song, feeling his shoulders relax and his arms move easily.

Singing had this power over him. Helped him express things and get his feelings out there. It was his catharsis and he had forgotten how good it felt. How light it made him feel. How this was why he used to do it, and why he used to love it so much.

He couldn’t believe he let people like his father, take that away from him, deprive him of what made breathing easier, what made him feel lighter, what made the constant lump in his throat disappear.

He wanted to burst out, his heart was beating so fast in realisation he felt it was going to explode, and a hot pressure was building behind his eyelids,

_'Now here I go again, I see_

_The crystal vision_

_I keep my visions to myself._

_It’s only me, who wants to_

_Wrap around your dreams and_

_Have you any dreams you want to sell_

_Dreams of loneliness_

_'Like a heartbeat drives me mad_

_In the stillness of remembering, what I had_

_And what I lost’_

That was it. That was his plan. Sing. Sing until he couldn’t anymore, sing until he had nothing to give.

His big adventure. His purpose. What New-York will bring him and what he will give New-York was his voice.

And suddenly, what Cooper meant hit him hard and he opened his eyes letting a huge smile break his face in half.

_"Life can’t be planned. You can’t just always know what to do at any given time Blaine. You’ll figure it out I’m sure of it…"_

He felt the salty taste of his tears on his lips and finished,

_'When the rain washes me clean, I’ll know_

_I’ll know’_

He did, he knew now, and he was free.

He got up to the sound of applause and went straight to the back door.

He sat down on the concrete floor and let it all go. He cried for what felt like hours, grieving his loss properly, months after it had happened. Finally saying goodbye, finally letting go.

Cooper left, a long time ago, and he had to let him go too. He had to learn to live without him. Grow without him and learn without him. And most of all, live. Live his life like he wants to, fully. Take risks, dream and make them all come true.

Life was hard, and he knew it. It wouldn’t be worth living if it wasn’t.

Nothing was just handed to you, no decision was inconsequential, everything had a meaning.

Life couldn’t be planned.

"Thanks Coop’, thanks"

_"Don’t thank me bud’, that was all you…"_ it was just a voice. A whisper. Coming from far away.

"Hey"

Blaine turned around and hurriedly wiped his cheeks when he saw Kurt come out through the back door,

"Were you crying?"

Blaine really didn’t need Kurt to worry about him, with his alarmed expression, so he just patted a spot next to him on the concrete. Kurt wrinkled his nose obviously not liking the idea but sat down anyway,

"You were amazing out there…" he finally said after a moment.

"This was one of my brother’s favorite songs, I think I finally understand it now…"

Kurt stayed silent for a beat and inhaled sharply before saying softly, "You’ve never mentioned your brother before"

Blaine felt a sob escape his lips and the now familiar pressure of his hot tears behind his eyelids, and Kurt seemed to realise his mistake because he scooted closer to Blaine, pressing their sides flush together and rested his head on Blaine’s shoulder. If the situation was different and if the mood wasn’t so crappy, Blaine would have felt his heart flutter in his chest and would have been hyperaware of Kurt’s thigh pressed against his and Kurt’s hair tickling his neck, but his heart skipped a beat for a totally different reason. There was nothing sexual about this, and man would it have been easier to handle if it were.

"I didn’t know you were coming tonight" Blaine finally said, for lack of anything to say, and he felt Kurt huff out a laugh.

He looked down as if he was embarrassed and took Blaine’s hand in his, enter-twinning their fingers, and squeezed his hand, "I kinda missed you…"

And his statement was barely audible, as if he didn’t want to ruin the moment, break the silence. Like it was only meant for Blaine to hear,

"Yeah?"

"Yeah… I haven’t heard from you since… _that_ day, and I really love to watch you perform. But _this_ , tonight, it was- it was truly breath-taking. I had never seen or heard anything more beautiful" he looked up to meet Blaine’s copper eyes, " _You_ were beautiful tonight Blaine"

Blaine was losing his mind. There was an invisible force pulling them together, making their faces inch closer, making their lips tingle in anticipation, making fireworks explode behind their eyes but, _but_ …

But Blaine had a whole lot of things to deal with, to get closure on, to move on from… He couldn’t make Kurt go through that, he couldn’t wind him up in his mess, not him. Kurt was too precious, Kurt was everything, he couldn’t mess it up. So he backed away, feeling a fresh new flow of tears fill his eyes and blur his vision,

"Sorry, I’m sorry. _I can’t_ \- I can’t make you go through that I- sorry, _sorry_ …"

"Shshsht…" Kurt’s arms were around him, one of his hands moving his head to rest on his chest, holding him and murmuring reassuring nonsense in his ear to calm him down, "It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay… Don’t worry I’m here, it’s gonna be okay…"

They were interrupted by Puck, who had come out to smoke a cigarette and sat down next to them both on the curb completely oblivious to the situation, before noticing Blaine’s red puffy eyes and shooting a questioning look to Kurt who was still holding him close.

Blaine, then, reluctantly freed himself from Kurt’s arms, and mumbled something about getting his coat before entering the building.

"What’s up with him? You told him he sucked or something?" asked Puck handing Kurt a cigarette, "'Cause _that_ out there, sure was the best thing ever. I got people asking for autographs and all…"

Kurt tucked the cigarette between his lips and shrugged before lighting it and breathing in sharply.

"You two a thing then? You broke up with him?"

Kurt inhaled and held the smoke inside his throat for a while before letting it go,

"No"

"Then what? Why was he all flushed and puffy eyed?"

"I don’t know…"

Puck let it go then, deciding the conversation was over and diverted his eyes to watch the street.

Kurt wished he could do the same, but seeing Blaine like that, it broke his heart. Something was obviously wrong, and whatever it was, Blaine didn’t want him to be apart of it. Which should have felt nice. Kurt should be thankful not to be enrolled in someone’s business when he obviously had his own good deal of stuff to deal with, but it didn’t feel that way. He couldn’t help but picture the worst scenarios, and it really was horrifying knowing that something made cheery-bright-eyed-always-happy-always-smiling Blaine break down on the curb completely sober outside a bar.

Blaine came back with three bottles of water and his jacket on, and the minute he saw him, Kurt threw away his halfway burned cigarette,

"We should get you back home"

"Yeah, uhm I- if that’s okay, I’d like that" his eyes meeting Puck’s, as if he needed his permission.

"Go man. You need to rest. Take as much time as you need, you were amazing tonight" Puck winked and got back inside.

"You wanna go back to your place?"

"Sure" and if Kurt wasn’t worried before, he was now. Because Blaine’s voice had never sounded this small and weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used in this chapter :  
> 'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac but I changed the "you"s into "I"s


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if there is a need to add one last chapter after this one, so here you go, last chapter!  
> I really hope you guys enjoyed this fic, I loved writing it and I'm super thankful for your support, so yeah!  
> Thanks for the views and the kudos, and enjoy :)  
> xx

When Blaine opened his eyes the first thing he saw was Kurt, lying next to him face tucked on his stomach.

_What the-_

But then he noticed that he wasn’t even in his bed, and the memories of the previous night came back to him.

Kurt had walked him back home clutching his hand like he was afraid Blaine would run away, and Blaine let him because he was tired and he didn’t want to push him away.

Kurt had made them tea and was babbling about his boss and the work he had to do for Vogue, and they had played a movie.

Blaine remembered being so exhausted he didn’t even make it halfway through, but he didn’t even know if Sam came back home, or if he had a key. Maybe he got tired of knocking at the door and decided to sleep in the hallway. Maybe he tried to climb up the fire escape and he fell and broke his leg and was in the hospital. Maybe he had a key but the minute he saw Kurt he decided to leave, but he had no place to stay so he stayed up all night outside.

_Oh no_

But Blaine couldn’t move, he didn’t want to startle Kurt, sleeping on him, and looking so peaceful, probably for the first time in a long time.

There were pieces of chestnut hair falling in his face and Blaine couldn’t stop his hand from brushing them away, and his heart skipped when Kurt leaned into his touch and buried his face further into his belly inhaling deeply.

He cracked one eye open and then surged up and away from Blaine when he caught him watching. Blaine immediately missed the warmth of his body, and swallowed back an embarrassing whine.

"Hi"

"Hey"

"Sorry I slept on you…"

"Don’t apologise, it didn’t bother me"

Kurt smiled shyly and he seemed to realise the state of his hair because his hands flew to the top of his head in a vain attempt to style it a little.

Blaine breathed out a laugh, "Don’t worry 'bout it, you look cute"

And it made Kurt’s eyes roll and he dropped his hands in his lap with a huff, "Whatever"

The smell of coffee filled his nostrils and he looked around, because Sam was definitely here, coffee doesn’t just make itself,

"Did Sam get back home last night?"

"Y-yeah"

"Did he have a key?"

"No"

Blaine waited for Kurt to explain further, and Kurt obliged, "Shortly after you fell asleep, he came back and started knocking and calling you. I didn’t want you to wake up, so I opened the door…"

"So Sam saw you"

"Yes"

"With me"

"Yes"

"And he did’t storm out"

"N-no, why would he do that?"

"You guys don’t get along so well…"

"Well we talked it out. I think we’re gonna be fine"

Blaine smiled but he was still a bit confused. Sam was like a child. As petty and naïve, there should have been some screaming and finger pointing and foot stomping… What he meant was that Kurt shouldn’t be looking so satisfied and unbothered.

He got up and filled two mugs with coffee and handed one to Kurt. The thing is, Blaine didn’t know if he and Kurt were good. After the events of yesterday, with him bluntly rejecting Kurt and then completely falling appart and crying into his arms. He didn’t know how he was going to deal with the situation, but all that didn’t matter because Kurt started talking,

"So, about last night…"

"Yeah, I’m sorry about all that. I-I don’t know what came over me I- Sorry"

"Stop apologising, you didn’t do anything wrong. I just wanted to let you know, that whatever it is, if you want to talk about it: I’m here. And don’t give me the 'I-don’t-want-you-to-deal-with-all-my-bullshit' crap, you’re not a burden... And I’d like to also be able to share _my_ bullshit with you…"

Blaine didn’t know what to say. His mouth moved but no words were coming out and so he decided to just close it and nod.

"I care about you, Blaine. And as little as I know you, it was truly scary to see you so… _lost_. You’re usually that eager-always-chipper guy, and I’m just concerned about you. I want you to be okay…"

Blaine stared into his cup of coffee and the words came out of his mouth without his permission, "You know it was the first time I’d cried since my-" but then his mind seemed to catch up and he shut his mouth.

Should he tell him? Put it into words? Say it out loud? Actually acknowledge it?

Ever since the funeral, Blaine didn’t mention his brother to anyone but Cooper himself.

But Kurt was looking at him with those cerulean eyes, concentrated and listening, _really listening_ , and nothing but kindness was reflected back to him.

No sadness, no pity, no jugement.

_Maybe it was time,_ he thought, _maybe it’s time to open up to someone about this._

"-since my… brother’s funeral"

Kurt hesitated for what felt like a quarter of a second, and Blaine thought, _that’s it, the moment he runs away and never comes back_.

But then Kurt’s hand was on his and his thumb was drawing circles on his wrist and he couldn’t stop the relief from washing over him.

He didn’t add anything. He wasn’t ready yet. But that was a step, and it felt like enough for now.

_Kurt was startled by a hard knock on the door, and he reluctantly deviated his gaze from Blaine’s sleeping face to look for what disturbed the semi-silence._

_The movie had been playing for at least an hour, but Kurt wouldn’t be able to tell you what it was about because the only thing his eyes followed were the rising and falling of Blaine’s chest, the long lashes fanning over his high cheekbones and his perfect mouth pouting slightly in a relaxed position. Blaine had fallen asleep so early and Kurt didn’t blame him. That was a hell of a breakdown he had earlier and Kurt would be surprised if it_ hadn’t _worn him out. It felt like he was keeping it together for so long. He could have been keeping it inside for months, Kurt could see it now._

_He got up from the couch hearing Blaine’s name being called through the wood and slid the door open._

_"Sam, hi"_

_"Uh… What’re you doing here?"_

_"I uh- I walked Blaine back here, he uhm- he was tired"_

_Sam sized him up and tugged him outside in the hallway and closed the door behind them both,_

_"Puck called me. What did you do to him?"_

_"Wha-?"_

_"Look, Blaine’s my friend, and I don’t care if we used to be, but I won’t let you treat him like crap. He’s amazing and if you can’t see it for yourself then you’re welcome to fuck off"_

_Kurt’s mouth hung open and his mind short-circuited after the unfamiliar sound of a curse escaped Sam’s mouth._

_"I don’t know why you would even do that to him. I know it’s a habit for you to just use people and then abandon them but seriously Kurt? What did he ever do to you? And why are you still here? 'You extending the pain or something? Are you some kind of sadist?"_

_Now Kurt couldn’t let Sam keep going because what was being said was completely ridiculous,_

_"Sam calm down-"_

_"No!_ You _calm down! You don’t get to treat people like shit and not get called out for it, okay?"_

_"Sam stop, you don’t understand-"_

_"Explain then. What are you still doing here?"_

_"I didn’t do anything to him Sam. I'm really sorry about what happened between us and I feel like a piece of shit for it. But you know, deep down, that I would_ never _do anything to purposefully hurt someone... He broke down all on his own"_

_"_ What? _" Sam was obviously unconvinced._

_"I went to the bar with Tina and Rachel to see him perform tonight, and he did this song -_ Oh my God Sam _, you should have been there because it was show-stopping._

_A-and then he- I don't know what happened to him, he all but ran from the stage and when I joined him outside he was crying. I- my heart sank on the spot, he looked so small and young and_ broken _… And then he told me it was his brother’s favorite song and he fell apart… I didn’t even_ know _he had a brother in the first place-" and Kurt gulped blinking repeatedly to try and dissolve the frustration and his upcoming tears, "I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m scared. And I care about him,_ so much _. I really want him to be okay…"_

_Sam looked down at his feet and sniffed before lifting an ashamed gaze in Kurt’s direction without meeting Kurt’s eyes,_

_"Did- was his brother’s name… Cooper b-by chance?"_

_Kurt chased Sam’s eyes until they finally met and squinted his eyes, "You’re telling me that_ you **didn’t know** _he had a brother?"_

_"No. I-I heard him talk in his room to some guy named Cooper. At first I figured he was on the phone or something but- I’m not sure anymore…"_

_"What, do you think he was talking to himself? Like people who have multiple personalities? Or like he_ sees _things? Like_ **ghosts** _?"_

_"I don’t know man, he seems fine most of the time… All I'm trying to say is, he doesn't speak about that kind of stuff much and I never asked"_

_"That doesn’t mean anything Sam, it’s called masking, people do that all the time. I just can’t believe he didn’t even tell_ you _about his brother. Do you even know anything about him?"_

_"Maybe he just hasn't much to talk about..."_

_"Ok, it’s ok. He just needs someone to talk to right now, let’s focus on that… He just needs his friends and support, we'll figure something out"_

_Sam nodded once before tapping awkwardly Kurt's shoulder with his hand and sliding the door open, "Sam?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"I'm really sorry. You're an amazing friend and I don't even know how you kept up with me all this time... I really hate myself for losing someone like you-"_

_"You didn't lose me" and with that final statement, he opened the door and strode towards his room._

He was holding the phone in his trembling hand, thumb hovering above the call button. To say that he was nervous was an understatement, but he needed this. He needed this to move forward, _and God_ did he need to.

It had to start with admitting that he needed professional help, the help of a grief counsellor.

He’s been spending more time with Kurt and Sam and their friends and he really wants to see how his relationship with Kurt could grow.

There is still that sexual tension between them, -and maybe something more if he lets himself hope- and one afternoon Blaine all but lost his boundaries and couldn’t stop his body from reacting to Kurt’s proximity, leading them into a heated make out session and Blaine begging Kurt for more. Kurt had pushed him away, and told him that he wanted this more than anything but that he knew Blaine wasn’t ready.

And ever since, Blaine had taken the decision to start doing something about it.

He still broke down from time to time in the middle of the night, crying himself to sleep and feeling like crap in the morning, but he wanted to get better.

He wanted to move past this. Maybe not _get over it,_ per se, but at least know how to live with it.

So here he was, phone in hand, just a phone-call away from being able to achieve just that, _but_ …

But it didn’t mean it was easy.

This was going to be a process.

It wasn’t going to take a week, and he’d have to work for it, but he was ready.

He was ready and willing.

Most of all he was _determined_.

A trait that ran through the Andersons from generation to generation, allowing them to become successful in anything they’d do and pushed to move forward and reach their goals…

And with that final thought, his thumb pressed the call button,

"Hello, I’m Blaine Anderson and I would like to schedule an appointment"


End file.
